Can you say the L-word about your team?
Nine times out of ten, my youngest son smiles at me when I walk into a room. He’s been like that ever since he was a tiny baby. Every year as he grew up, I worried he’d drop those easy smiles. But he kept them up, and this simple, reliable behavior is one of my very favorite things in life.
Thus a conversation with the same son last night stopped me in my tracks. As context, we were casually sitting on opposite ends of the couch, looking out at the horizon and discussing how we would get to Maine for the upcoming holiday.
Me: “I could drive my car.”
Son: “No way. It’s not safe. You’re the only one who likes driving in that Mini anyway.”
Me: “I drive it all the time. It’s fine.”
Son: “It’s not fine on a long highway trip. It’s dangerous. What if you died? The team at Grommet would be lost.”
Me (after my head violently swiveled to stare at him): “What? The team at Grommet??? What about you and your brothers?”
Son: “Oh we’re fine. But they really need you.”
Me (after recovering my breath and half laughing/half sputtering): “Listen up young grasshopper. A boy needs his mama until the day he dies.”
The conversation moved on, the Mini was vetoed, and my maternal ego was, at turns, bruised and proud. I raised each boy for independence and my college-age son was asserting that simple achievement–nothing deeper.
My son’s comment made me think more deeply about the Grommet team. The company’s developmental stage is, in human terms, probably still pre-adolescent. It’s proven its capabilities and personality, but it still has some miles to go to live up to its full potential. While my limbic reactions to my three sons are the same as any other mother’s–they need no explanation–it’s different with a company. Of course there are rich and varied emotions inspired by working side by side with a dedicated and lively team, but I stop short of using “family-esque” language to describe our relationships, feeling like this oversteps boundaries.
However, between my son’s innocent comment and a recent podcast conversation, I am re-evaluating this position. Jerry Colonna, a man the revered venture capitalist Brad Feld called “The CEO Whisperer,” broadcasts a penetrating series of conversations with CEO’s and co-founders called Reboot. Jerry’s focus is relentlessly aimed at the emotional side of startup leadership. In my talk with Jerry he broke all language barriers and went so far as to claim I led Grommet with love.
I squirmed. Maybe I was discombobulated because I am a mother and I do not think of employees as children–and that word gets too close to such a relationship. But I let it sit. It was his word, not mine.
But I also did not immediately share the podcast (embedded below and in this link) with my team, feeling vaguely self-conscious.
But then last week we took a team photo and as I went to publish it online, I felt a similar deep pride to when I post a photo of a family event. I found my fingers typing this caption: “I love these Grommet people. Every one.”
And I meant it. My son’s statement and Jerry’s analysis may have been too dramatic for my sensibilities, but I do approach this leadership role with real joy. And yes, if you make me say it, love.
Thank you Jerry, and young grasshopper, for outing me.
P.S. I’ve written on this blog before about this boy o’ mine here and here, and also about my beloved Mini (and its Mini Me lookalike) here.
2 Responses to “Can you say the L-word about your team?”
I strongly believe companies we are building are like 2nd family to us, love it or hate it. It isn’t about control or meddling in personal lives, it is about desire to succeed and connection you experience. Your employees and co-founders aren’t children, rather they are your brothers and sisters every day fighting the good battle to help your company overcome the odds against it. There is also issue of loyalty. Startups and loyalty aren’t two things in a logical relationship. Startups are a roller coaster ride, often too volatile to satisfy neatly that Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Some say you have to be crazy to do what we do. So if not for connection to people you work with, if not for your startup family, none of us would really last. We hurt together and we celebrate together. And some of us, who chose the co-founder fate, absorb some big blows, so the family would not get hurt.
So yes, I LOVE my co-founders and I love my every colleague (current and past). They are the reason I am where I am today.
Apollo, Great response from a fellow warrior. Two things: 1) you have always been comfortable publicly owning your passions, loyalties, commitment, and affections. I love that. 2) the brother/sister analogy really works for me. Thanks for sharing this idea.